Scott Summers for President
by batman100
Summary: Scott runs for President. God help us all.
1. Chapter 1

**Scott Summers for President by Batman100**

**Author's Note: This is strictly for humor only. Same zaniness, slapstick humor, outrageous situations, etc, etc, humor only. No drama whatsoever. Please R&R I would greatly appreciate it! Enjoy!**

"Ah, a beautiful morning, everything so peaceful and quiet. There's absolutely *nothing* that could ruin it." Jean sighed in amusement, taking a sip of tea before spewing it out as a loud orchestral recording of Hail to the Chief blared over the intercom.

"WHO'S MAKING THE DAMN NOISE?!" Rogue grouched, stumbling outside half-naked, a towel draped over her chest as she saw Pyro, Peter, Hank, Lance and Warren on a large float which looked like a bizarre parody of the Lincoln statue… only with Scott's visor for eyes.

"Oh that's lovely. Just what I need, the resident idiots of this mansion building a new monument to stupidity." Rogue sarcastically smirked as Scott himself launched out of the float, wearing full Uncle Sam garb and sporting a fake beard

"Four score and several years ago, blah blah blah… epic speech, drivel drivel… and God bless all mutants every one!" Scott proclaimed crazily, turning to Warren for approval "Whaddya think?"

"I think you should see a psychiatrist. Or better yet, a freaking loony bin!" Warren growled, shaking his head "How the hell did you get me into this scheme? You don't even know *ANYTHING* about being the President!"

"I do know one thing: I get free power and all the money and fame!" Scott cheered, with a deranged grin "Oh we are so screwed." Warren moaned, heading over to Jean "Hey, guess who's the idiot responsible for blaring all that stupid political crap?"

"Oh god, I should've known." Jean moaned before marching up toward her crazed husband "Ok Scott, what crazy shenanigan are you and your fellow morons planning this time? Selling fake cherry pies? Planting gas bomb balloons in the teachers' lounge? Taping a bury me alive sign to Principal Kelly's rear end?" Jean sarcastically asked

"Hehe, the bury me alive sign was funny." Pyro giggled, Scott giving him a thumbs up. "For your information, smart-ass, it was absolutely *NOT* funny. It almost caused us to be sued on grounds for abuse of property! Do you have *any* common sense in that brain of yours?!" Jean snapped

"Uh… *no.*" Scott replied flatly, bursting into insane giggles. "Hahaha! You're a natural, mate!" Pyro praised, giving Scott a playful punch on the shoulder. Jean rolled her eyes, shocked that the crazed pyromaniac has corrupted her husband with his insanity and senseless merriment

"But anyway, since I am running for president, I must have a campaign manager and I know just the one to decide!" Scott proclaimed as the X-Guys shifted back in fear. "And lemme guess… you want *me* to pick some stupid shmuck for the job?" Jean smirked apathetically

"No. We have decided who." Scott grinned, his campaign supporters giggling in delight. "Who?" Jean hissed impatiently. Scott simply narrowed his eyes at Jean and simply uttered "you". At that instant, the fuse in Jean's box simply exploded.

"Uh… Jean?" Scott asked worriedly as his wife began eye-twitching and muttering incoherent gibberish. "M-mam, hhrr-ghubba, -ggggg, eek eek, rat-rat, eek…" Jean uttered, before her eyes rolled into her head and collapsed on the ground

THUD!

"I'll take that as a yes." Scott cheerfully responded, as Hank and Peter escorted Jean to the medical ward on a stretcher before he faced the rest of the X-Crew

"Scott… I'm going to say this only once…" Logan calmly stated, before grabbing Scott's throat and throttling him, screaming "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GODDAMN BRAINS?!"

"I still have my intelligence, absolute charm, abs, memory, excellent goodwill, so yes I do have my brains." Scott goofily responded, giggling weirdly. Logan simply dropped him and sauntered in disgust

"Scott… as president? The horror… the horror…" Bobby whimpered, huddling in a fetal position. Rogue walked up to him and thrashed him with a shovel

"Ow! I was kidding Rogue! Geez!" Bobby moaned, rubbing his sore head "We've got to do something! You know what stupid ideas Scott can be capable of. It'll become a political DISASTER! We may be considered the most controversial people in New York!" Kitty hollered, banging her fist

"Sorry to bother, but Kitty, Scott says if you help fund his campaign, you get free driving lessons." Warren piped up from the window sill

"Kitty NO!" Rogue squealed, but too late as Kitty was now wearing a pin that says 'WE LIKE SCOTT'. "What is happening?! We are losing our senses thanks to that optic maniac!" Logan wailed

"Ah, get a grip will you? I actually like the idea of Scott for president. Has a nice ring to it, eh?" Victor asked in appreciation

"Don't tell me you too fell for his ideas!" Rogue groaned as Victor and Bobby, along with Evan, Tabitha, Fred, Todd and Pietro hanging up voting posters

"This is great. I suppose things couldn't get any worse…" Rogue groaned, banging her head against the wall

"Uh, speaking of that…" Logan stammered. Rogue turned and was immediately mesmerized by the alluring white dress Jean was wearing, spreading vast hypno-inducing vapors around the anti-Scott people.

"Now, now my babies… isn't it better to just surrender than to rebel?" Jean purred seductively, as Rogue laid out rose petals on the carpet as Jean embraced her soon-to-be President husband

"So… what do you say?" Scott asked. "Call me your First Lady, honey bun." Jean seductively crooned, as the two passionately kissed as America, the Beautiful echoed o'er the background


	2. Chapter 2

**Scott Summers for President by Batman100**

**Chapter 2: Election Campaigning for Dummies**

"Alright gentlemen and ladies, and I *do* mean ladies…" Scott giggled insanely as a sparkly dressed Jean was kneeling on the ground, kissing Scott's black Armani shoes, much to the disgust of Rogue

"Oh joy, just what we need: a first lady bootlicker." Rogue smirked in boredom, trying to heat her lighter before giving up and griping "Damn it Scott, what did you call us here for anyway?!"

"Yeah! And by the way, some jerk placed this cheesy political sticker on the back of my butt! You wouldn't have anything to do with it would you?" Roberto growled, pointing to a large sticker that proclaimed 'VOTE FOR SUMMERS'

"Uh… must have been my new campaign manager." Scott sheepishly replied. "Oh really? And what kind of an idiot would want to work with you, of all people?" Rogue snapped, only to faint dead away as Logan stood by Scott on the podium. Logan was wearing a full-colored Republican suit, and wearing a pin that had the phrase 'SCOTT FOR PRES'

"Oh no, Logan, how could you? You know what this maniac's like! Don't you know what happened yesterday?" Ray reminded

"No, I cannot recall because Scott gave me as much free brothel house tickets as I can handle." Logan grinned with a big, stupid smile on his face

"And… thanks to our soon-to-be president, I have an announcement to make…" Jean started in a proud singsong voice as the others groaned

"This had better not be what I think it is…" Ray muttered, shaking his head before having his eyes shrink in horror on the sight that befell him. There, in the faces of everyone in the mansion to see, was a large banner that had the words 'AMENDMENT 48: ALL BROTHEL AND WHOREHOUSES ARE NOW LEGAL IN ALL US STATES'. The X-Gang's reactions were incredulous as Scott looked quite proud of his new law

"WHAT?! That's insane! You cant legalize brothels! It'll only cause more trouble and more disaster! You're turning our nation into a freaking NIGHTMARE!" Rogue ranted, foam dripping from the mouth

"Whoa whoa whoa! Chill out there, Benedict Rogue." Ray quipped, placing on a presidential badge as Roberto, Kitty, Forge, Hank, Ororo, Lorna, Sam, Alex, Pietro, Amara, Todd, Fred, Wanda and Tabby did the same

"OH MY GOD! You've all gone off the deep end! Scott, can you please give up this crazy idea?! If you win the election, it'll destroy everything!" Rogue continued shrieking, an axe raised over her head

Scott walked over to his crazed X-Member, placed his hand on her shoulder and said "You know Rogue, I'm going to do something that I should've done a long time ago…"

"What? Finally stop acting like a complete freak?" Rogue smirked. With a snap of Scott's fingers, Cain and Caliban escorted a straitjacketed Rogue out the mansion and for the bus to Arkham Asylum

"Earth gone… earth all gone. Boom boom hee ding, hahahhahahahhaah…" Rogue babbled maniacally, cackling derangedly as the Arkham bus sped off

"Yep, that was the right thing to do alright, boss." Logan remarked, patting Scott's shoulder

"What?! He just kicked Rogue out and put her in the loony bin! How the hell is that right?" Wanda slurred drunkenly, about to lunge at Scott but to be gassed with chloroform by Jean

"That's more like it, now where was I?" Scott asked to himself, trying to pick up the pace "Oh yeah! My next amendment states that as of this moment, all foreign products of marijuana, cannabis, hashish, opium and heroin are hereby outlawed from entering US territory" Scott proclaimed, with thunderous applause from his campaign group "Thank you, thank you." Scott grinned, taking a bow

"This is actually rather good. Keep going!" Warren cheered, munching on nachos "Amendment 46, all gay people in the US are hereby allowed to have gay marriages." Scott ordered as even more raucous applause echoed

"Yeah! Gay marriage… wait a minute, WHAT?" Ray gasped in shock as his, Roberto's and Bobby's faces were frozen in confusion

"Oh good for me. Now Amara and I can finally tie the knot." Wanda replied, as she unstripped before Amara leaped on top of her. Both girls were humping in the couch to the amusement of the X-Crew

"You, uh… you are recording this, right?" Evan curiously asked a wide-eyed Todd, his camera recording every minute of the 'intimate' moment

"Oh yes, this'll go great on our Campaign channel on MeTube!" Todd grinned excitedly "Uh, Scott? Um, I know I like your campaign and all, but uh, could I ask a favor for ya?" Fred gently asked

"Absolutely. What may I help you with Freddy?" Scott asked delightedly. Fred exhaled and then said "Uh… I was tryin' to keep this private, but… my sister has stomach cancer."

"Oh… I'm sorry to hear that. How is she?" Scott asked, now concerned for his comrade's loved one "She's fine. But the doc said she has only a few months before it takes over. The guys at the hospital said they have a kidney they'd be willing to donate, but…" Fred paused as Scott listened

"But what?" Jean then piped up. Then came the biggest shock "I signed up to donate my kidney for her." Fred explained as the X-Crew were shocked, and sympathetic. Scott could instantly feel tears dripping from his eyes

"I don't know if she'll survive the surgery, but… I just wanna tell you, that like my 'normal' family… you guys are the only ones that have always respected me. And I will always treasure that." Fred explained as Jean then embraced him, sobbing

"I don't want to lose you… you're like a brother." Jean sobbed, Fred soothing her "Hey, Jean; look at me, look at me ok?" Jean dried her eyes and faced Fred as he said "I will *never* leave you. I am always with you in physical…" Fred started as he pointed to Jean's heart "…and in here."

"You're a good man Freddy." Logan responded emphatically. Fred gave him a fist bump, then full of pride and joy hollered "Now let's go win this campaign!" All cheered for victory, their hopes regained and who knows? With Scott as president, maybe, just maybe… the X-Men's dream of peace may become a reality.


	3. Chapter 3

**Scott Summers for President by Batman100**

**Chapter 3: A New Day**

"Ok Scott, your presidential campaign debate is tonight. Do you have your speech memorized?" Warren asked, in a perfect impersonation of Axel from Kingdom Hearts

"Yes, I have all of it in me head. I mean, uh my noggin. Yes." Scott gibbered, adjusting his polished tux. "Well, how do I look, Mr. Worthington?"

"I must say, you are dressed to the nines. Just think, after we win the election, I can see the headlines 'First Mutant President!' 'Nation Cheers in Victory'!" Warren proclaimed, spreading his arm for effect

"Lousy Ex-Campaign Ad Girl Drinks in Misery." Wanda echoed from the lounge room as she smoked on a large pipe. Warren rolls his eyes and continues 'President Obama Visits Street. Bill Clinton Visits Mansion.' Scott, I love it!"

"Oh yeah? Well, your smile will be upside down when **I** get through with that idiot for what he did to Rogue yesterday!" Wanda snapped, guzzling a wine bottle down

"Ah, don't listen to Scarlet (bleep). She's in her, um… moods. Know what I'm saying, chief?" Logan asked, nudging Scott's shoulder

"I do indeed, Howlett m'lad. In fact, I have just the thing that'll have this election in the bag." Scott exclaimed, as he placed his overcoat in

"Is it that brothel law again? I think the news crew said that was actually a good idea." Warren piped up. Chuckling in amusement, Scott shook his head "Nah, not tonight. The guys at the debate are a bit touchy. But it **was** a hell of a good thing, though."

"So? What's the new amendment you got in mind?" Kurt asked in anticipation. "It's a surprise. Trust me men, this one will put us on the map!" Scott replied before continuing, "Just seems like yesterday, I was an average mutant in an average city. But now… now I'm taking the big time, heading for the White House, and when we all move to Washington, everyone will surely know a star is born!" Scott cheered, before hollering, "HIT IT LADIES!" as the Marvel Muses appeared

_Gonna shout from the mountaintops, a star is born _Elektra sang as divas smooched Scott on the cheek

_Gonna pull out all the stops a star is born. Honey Give us a hallelu, the kid came through, girl sing your song, blow the horn a star is born _the Muses chorused as Scott, Jean and the X-gang were now seen standing outside the White House at Washington DC as thousands cheered in approval

_Just remember in your darkest hour, your heart's the power and you can be a hero too. _Jean belted before planting a kiss on Scott

_So don't lose hope when you're forlorn Just keep your eyes on the skies._ Sif belted as the X-Men cheered as Zeus formed a constellation statue of Scott in the sky "That's Logan's boy!" Pyro cheered as Logan gave Scott a noogie

"I'm real proud of ya, kid. You came shining through." Logan replied happily as Jean tapped her husband on the shoulder

"Come here you smooth sexy devil, you." Jean purred as she and Scott kissed as the crowd cheered

"Bring it home girls!" Victor roared excitedly, popping open a champagne

_Every night a star is, right in sight a star is, burning bright a star is born_ the Muses belted, reaching the cresecendo, doing a spin before posing in front of Scott sitting in the Presidential Chair

"It's good to be the king." Scott grinned, winking at the camera

**Ok, I know it was a little short, but I thought of just editing it so we could see Scott winning the election. Also thought the song A star is born from Hercules would also sweeten the deal. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it and don't go away! A Chapter 4 is in line for publishing**

**Thanks for reading and Happy Halloween to all! Best Wishes- Batman100**


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